I write like a 4 year old… and I’ve studied English at the university. Sometimes I come across ”large” words that aren’t that childish at all. That’s when I don’t want to use them because they complicate my brain and give me the anxiety and pressure that I have to continue writing with the use of large words. So I don’t. Besides, writing like a 4 year old is great… most people understand me! In normal everyday life no one understands me because when I speak I confuse myself and other people. Half of my English teachers tried to fail me because they wanted me to extend my vocabulary, which I did, but I never bothered using it… I can’t put it into sentences, I’m not Shakespeare or Lord Byron! I am a pathetic critter who write terribly and make no sense at all! They should know this as a fact because I once wrote something with ”large” words and it ended up gibberish! Give up hope already!

When I’m around other people I want to sound all smart… unfortunately that’s not possible, so I choose to cry and bleed internally and force myself to shut up. Unfortunately there is always someone who doesn’t know me that well, so they ask my opinion and most of the time the conversation spirals wildly out of control and goes like this:

*bunch of smart people talking about a smart subject, one of them turns to me*

Friends: -What do you think about this situation? How could it best be resolved?

*expectant looks* ß see their mistake?!

Me: -Well, spiders are scary, there is a man in a monkey suit holding a penguin and eating sushi upside down, and also…there is a dust bunny under the bed. I shall give him the name… Bunny.

*crickets can be heard as they all stare at me, laugh nervously and then ignore me while I cry and bleed internally*

And that’s pretty much all my conversations! I haven’t been able to answer anyone’s smart questions because I don’t actually have an interest because I don’t think I have the brain capacity to think about them! …*whistle* that was a long sentence… Luckily most of my friends now know to ask me questions on my level so that my brain understand. So the conversation with my friends are much simpler.

Friend: ”Hi! How are you?”

Me (in the style of Dylan Moran): ”Situation is hopeless, I am fucked! I hope you’re good!”

”You bettcha!”

See? Much easier and no complications in my brain. Just the truth and then you ignore it! And now I have completely forgotten what I was going to talk about so I am not going to process it and I’m just going to continue with something else.

Boyfriend just told me I was a bad person (not in so many words) because he did ask me if he could help me do the laundry. I think he’s missing the point here. He may ask, but he doesn’t do it. He even said that he would bake me a cake. I don’t believe him. And he didn’t bake me a cake, because he bought me a cookie yesterday… I liked that fucking cookie it was awesome. My brain is mixing things together. He says things, but he doesn’t do them. And I’m oddly fine with that… unless I am kicking and screaming at him, then I wasn’t fine with it, but it’s a good way of letting him know how I feel. Express yourself!

Anyhow, today I get to see a pissed of doctor who is going to glare at me and ask me how I am… and why I didn’t take the blood test to make sure my body is working properly so I can go on medicine to feel normal instead of my rollercoaster like I am right now. In symbols I look like this:

o.O O.o… in rapid progression. Basically just move your eyes from one symbol to the other quickly.

I never know how to end these things. The ”I must go” line has already been used.

Screw it, ”never put a sock in a toaster” and never cut your hair cut on a Tuesday. Serious advice…



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