I started an account on Sunday (yesterday) and today is Monday. I was going to spill my secrets to you, about all the little details of my life that have gone horribly wrong or right. But I won’t because then I’ll sound raving mad. Which is fine… but it isn’t at the same time.
So I’ll start of a little softer with a hello. Here goes nothing:
*turret voice from Portal 2* Hello!
Well that worked out just fine, I don’t know what I was so worried about! Well, now that’s over with I can continue with longer sentences about what’s going on today and maybe a little background history… you know just so you understand… me.
I’m a girl. I like computer games. I like books. I have the mental illness Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and am slowly making my way through life day by day. I have trouble forgetting things.
(Wasn’t that a great and subtle introduction my illness? Say things I like and then let it slip in there so nobody really notices until they do and gasp at the ingenious way I have added a secret about myself. Don’t you just think it was brilliant? *facewalls at own idiocy, because facepalm is not enough*)
It’s not that I CAN’T forget, but my brain REFUSES to forget. The only thing that ails in the process of forgetting is alcohol… which is dangerous considering that if I drink 1 drink I will not stop until I am either fainting from it or only remembering the sound of me throwing up and embarrassing my relatives and new additions to the family like I did last summer (that wonderful story is better left for some other day when the memory doesn’t make me want to throw up and make my face burn with shame… no seriously I can smell the plastic). But it does help me forget everything that has happened… although sometimes I wonder if it is selective and therefore only lets me forget the really important things that everyone eventually quizzes me about. And the shame the next day… oh the shame, the shame… *puts face in hands and sobs uncontrollably*
Oh, and I have a boyfriend! He shall be mentioned (if he is ever mentioned) under the creative name ”boyfriend”. He’s lovely, and he’s such a cutie pie. He’s also a terrible human being at times. Aren’t we all though?
So right now I’m doing laundry. Haven’t had anything clean for the past 4 weeks because I’ve been depressed and lay on the floor because moving hurt too much and boyfriend just doesn’t do laundry. He used to, but then we got together. Maybe that was a disastrous turning point of events? I don’t know, but whatever the reason, soon I will get annoyed and yell at him. Then I will cry hysterically for an hour, to hysterically die of laughter over absolutely nothing for the hour after that. You know what maybe I shouldn’t yell at him… too much exercise.
He says he loves me…constantly. Nothing wrong with that, but I reply like Dylan Moran, saying he should bake me a cake. I hate cake, but it sounds worth it. Until I figure out what I would want him to bake, I will keep on using cake as the only option.
Laundry is awesome. Like most cleaning products, I love the smell of laundry detergent. It smells great but at the same time kind of like rotten fish, with makes me go ”mmmm!” to then go ”blergh!” and continue this until I, a) sound like Eddie Izzard b) fall over and can’t get up or c) get the evil eye from boyfriend.
I must go now… my laundry needs me!
And some finishing words on what the lesson for today was: Never let the purple unicorn come dancing into your living room, because they will scare the spiders who in turn will jump on you and… it will not be… good? Nope sorry lost my train of thought… I shall return to it when I remember what it was I actually wanted to say.